I’m finding myself thinking a lot about Mary this Christmas season. I am certain it’s because of the place I am in right now, spiritually and emotionally. But as I think about Mary God is showing me so many things I never have considered before.
I have often seen Mary as almost a side player in the whole story- she was the one who gave birth, but she had the easy part. Joseph had the hard part trusting and believing that what the angel and what Mary told him were true. But Mary knew the truth- she knew that God had impregnated her, so she had that to make things easier for her. But first she had to be willing to trust and believe God and say yes to him using her.
Now I have no idea what went through her mind when the angel came to her with the message from God. Perhaps she was ready for a change and excited about the opportunity to do something so great. Perhaps she was merely a willing vessel. But perhaps, and this is the one I lean toward because this is the way I am, perhaps she was absolutely terrified to do what God was asking of her. Mary seems to have had a pretty good life before God called her to this new purpose: she had a loving family, she was betrothed to a good, God-fearing man, she would have had friends and neighbors whom she loved. I think that when Mary said yes to God she was also saying no to all these things. When Mary chose to say yes to God she made the decision to let go of all the other things in her life.
The part I have been thinking the most about though is what came after she said yes to God. Because things certainly don’t seem to have gotten much better for her. She was near her due date when she and Joseph had to travel to Bethlehem for a census- which would most certainly mean Caesar demanding more money from them. Then they couldn’t find any place to sleep except and old cave with no bed to lay on. And that is where she gave birth- alone, her family except Joseph far away. No way to communicate with them. And she gave birth to the son of God and had only rags and an old animal trough to place him in. That must have been heartbreaking for her. But it only gets worse. Herod demands all babies be killed and so here is Mary with her husband and baby forced to flee to Egypt instead of returning home. Jump ahead about 30 years and Mary watches as her son becomes an outcast because of the work he is doing, Mary tries to help Jesus and he scolds her for it. And then a couple years later she watches as her son is nailed to a cross and dies.
If I had been Mary and had known what was going to happen after saying yes, I’m not sure I would have done it. I mean, it’s like the easy part was letting go, the hard part came after. We have fooled ourselves into believing that when we say “yes” to God things will go well. We have embraced this idea that when we are following God and doing what he asks of us things will be mostly easy. In fact, not only Mary but the majority of people we read about who say “yes” to God have a harder more difficult life after that than they had before.
But the thing that I am reminded of as well is the message that God gives over and over and over again: “do not be afraid”. It almost seems unfair that God says to these people, and to me, “do not be afraid” when so much suffering and hardship is to follow. But I think the reason we are told not to be afraid is that through all the hard times, through all the difficulty that may come from our saying “yes” to God we can trust that he is with us, that when we say yes he aligns himself so close to us we never have a second alone. I believe that when I finally stop fighting God and say “yes” he is going to envelope me in a huge bear hug and never let me go. But as long as we resist, as long as I say no, God is left giving me a side hug- in other words, I am keeping him at a distance.
Things won’t necessarily be hard after saying yes. Things might not be as bad as I imagine. Maybe they’ll be worse than I ever dreamed. I don’t know. I know that history shows that saying yes to God usually means harder times on earth that before we say yes. But I also believe that God will be more real, more present, more known to me than ever before. I believe that when I say yes the door will fly open to allow God to light up all of me. And this is why God said to Mary and Joseph “do not be afraid”, this is why God says to me and you “do not be afraid”. Scary, terrifying things will certainly come, but an intimacy with God that transcends all earthly things will fill my life and yours.